MEGA LAN 1: Two Mirrors Don't Cut It
by moonymonster
Summary: Mega Lan.EXE and his Operator Hub thought they were going to the new ice cream parlor just to get some ice cream with their friends. How would they know they'd have to decide who would date them? absolute spoof. Have fun!


**MEGA LAN: Two Mirrors Don't Cut It**

_"It's like putting two mirrors next to each other.  It might not work."_

_                        Mr. Tim Powers (The author, not the defense attorney.) _

"Hub! Hub, wake up!"

The only response was a snore. Mega Lan.EXE rolled his eyes and took a deep breath.

**_"HUB HIKARI, GET UP THIS MINUTE!"_**

"ACK!" the boy in question gasped, so startled he fell out of bed. Again.

"Mega Lan, do you have to be so _loud_?!"

"With you, yes. Anyway, you're late…as usual. Roll and Mayl will be here in a few minutes."

"WHAT?! Why didn't you wake me up earlier?!"

"I've been trying for the past fifteen minutes!"

Hub didn't bother answer as he ran around getting dressed, quickly pulling on his socks.

"Um…Hub…that's a hat."

"…I knew that." Hub took the hat off his foot and replaced it with actual socks. He then pulled on his favorite dark blue jeans, black shoes, and green tee-shirt. The shirt was his favorite because it matched his shockingly bright yellow-green eyes that no one could stop obsessing over. Apparently his eye color was genetically impossible. Ah, well.

He was combing his jet-black hair just as Roll walked in.

"Hi, Hub!" the blonde greeted cheerfully as Hub hid his brush. "Are you ready?"

"Um, yeah. How about you, Mega Lan?"

Mega Lan nodded, and saw a magenta-haired Navi standing in Roll's PET. Her armor was the same shade as her hair, with pale pink gloves and boots with black leggings and sleeves.

"Hi, Mayl!" he grinned, and waved enthusiastically. Mayl.EXE smiled back and waved back.

"Good morning, Mega Lan!" she called, and downloaded herself into his PET. "How are you?"

"I'm good," he answered just before the device was yanked out of its charger. The world shifted as he was latched onto Hub's belt, Mayl still standing beside him.

"So where are we going, Hub?" Mega Lan asked.

"Well, today it's Roll's turn to pick something to do."

Because it was summer and the two soon-to-be sixth graders were bored out of their minds, they took turns picking out things to do during the day after summer school. Hub usually picked netbattling and other macho things like that, while Roll usually picked going to parks or restaurants. Today was no exception.

"I just found out about this brand-new ice cream parlor that opened up right by the arcade! It's called the Cream Station—do you want to go check it out?"

Hub quickly checked to see if he had any zenny on him. When he went out with Roll, he inevitably paid for any meals.

"Yeah, sure! It sounds fun."

Roll grinned as they skated down the street. The blonde had finally given in to wearing roller blades, and found out she actually liked it. It made her wonder why she ever used that Razor reject in the first place.

"We're going to be the first kids to eat at the Cream Station!" she chirped. "I'm glad about that. No worries about gum or dirt under the seats."

"Yeah, and we get to test out the Net Cream Station too!" cheered Mayl. Mega Lan gave her a curious look.

"_Net_ Cream Station? But we can't eat!"

"Well, no, but it's a place to stay. And it's really cute. _And_," Mayl added to herself, "It's got the right atmosphere for…"

"For what?" asked Mega Lan, who was standing right beside her. She had kinda forgotten about that.

"Um, um, nothing," said Mayl, blushing furiously. Mega Lan gave her a curious look, but didn't question. Mayl did weird things like this all the time.

"Oh, here we are!"

Roll pointed at the Cream Station, which was designed to look like an old-fashioned soda fountain. There were red booths and aisles of candy, but the main attractions were the working soda fountain and ice cream bar. Hub grinned and walked in.

"Wow! This place _is_ pretty cool."

"I told you it was. Hey!" Roll flagged down a waitress at behind the ice cream counter. "I'd like a choco-banana crepe please!"

The waitress smiled. "Coming right up! Oh, and if you have any Navis, you can jack them in right there." She pointed at a jack in the wall, which happened to be just to the right of the two preteens. Basically, it was right in front of them, where they could see it easily. It was one of those situations where normally one would smack one's head and say "duh," but since everyone had a severe case of stupidity they needed those sort of things pointed out to them.

"Thanks!" said Hub, and paused for a moment. "As for my order—I'd like to have an ice cream sundae, if you could."

"Of course!" The waitress bustled away with their orders, and the two jacked in their Navis. Roll gave Mayl a slight wink as she disappeared from the screen.

######

"So how do you like it, Mega Lan?" asked Mayl, settling down on a barstool next to the blue Navi.

"I think it's mega-sweet," he said, grinning. It certainly had 'atmosphere', as Mayl had said earlier. It looked just the same as the Cream Station in the real world, only the candies in the aisles were actually new types of battlechips and subchips. The two Navis sat down on some padded red stools in front of the ice cream bar, just as their Operators had only a few moments before.

For a moment, there was an uncomfortable silence.

"Um…so…how are you?" asked Mayl finally. This wasn't going how she had planned it at all. Why couldn't she get herself to talk?

######

Meanwhile, Roll was having troubles of her own. Normally she and Hub could talk for hours, but words simply could not come to her mouth. She searched desperately for a topic while Hub ate his sundae.

"So, um, how are you doing in summer school?" Roll asked lamely. Ugh. Why couldn't she think of something more interesting?

Hub swallowed and grinned. "I'm all right with most of it. I can't understand all that new algebra stuff, though—it all looks like alphabet soup to me. And you know Mega Lan isn't any help. He's even worse at it than I am."

"Oh, I can help!" said Roll eagerly. "Why don't we do study sessions after school? Then you can get better and we can…um…"

"We can what?" asked Hub, cocking his head at her. She felt like melting. He was so _cute_…!

Focus, Roll! He's still looking at you like you're crazy!

Quickly Roll tried to save the situation. "Um…we can…go Netbattling after we study. That way you won't have to worry…about your mom breathing down your neck."

Hub smiled, and she had to keep herself from melting again. Darnit, the crush was getting worse.

######

Mayl had finally thought of some things to talk about, and she and Mega Lan were laughing and joking happily. Unfortunately, they weren't getting to the subject she was hinting at—their relationship.

Oh, no…what if he got it and—and he was deliberately ignoring her? That was even worse than him outright telling her no. She pretended to smile, trying to figure out whether the Navi in front of her was ignoring her or if he was digesting the information or…

Actually, Mega Lan was just being his usual thick self. He was the type where one had to hit him over the head with a two-by-four before he realized one wanted something. Mayl was going to have to do something drastic if she wanted the boy to know she was in love with him.

Fortunately, that drastic occurrence was about to occur.

"Mega Lan!" called a thick and slightly giddy voice. Mayl shuddered and Mega Lan sweatdropped. That voice belonged to…

"Man Guts! Uh, hi!" Mega Lan said cheerfully, still sweatdropping as the gorilla-like Navi settled down on his other side. Man Guts blushed slightly and grinned.

"Hi, Mega Lan!" he leered, then turned to glare at Mayl. "What are you doing with my Mega Lan?!"

Mayl stuck out her tongue. "He's not _yours,_ you know!"

Man Guts only glared, and leaned over Mega Lan possessively. Mega Lan just sat there with an odd look on his face. He seemed to be trying to decide if it was best to run or to sit it out.

"Um, so, how are you, Man Guts?" he asked, deciding on the latter.

Man Guts gave a silly grin. "Man Guts defeated four Navis today!"

"By sitting on them, no doubt," Mayl growled under her breath. She always wondered at the sanity of Dex—who would be weird enough to name their Navi 'Man Guts' anyway?

"Uh, that's great, Man Guts."

Man Guts glowed. Mayl cleared her throat and pulled Mega Lan away from the leering Navi.

"So have you seen Protoman lately?" she asked him, pointedly ignoring 'the gorilla' next to him.

"No…haven't seen him in months, actually. I think he and Chaud are somewhere in Kingland. I honestly don't know."

"Oh. Well, that's…too bad."

"Yeah…we haven't had a challenging Netbattle since he left."

"I bet some new Navis will show up," said Mayl dryly. "They always do."

"Man Guts will fight Mega Lan!" said Man Guts cheerfully. "Will show who is sem—best!"

Mayl seethed, but said nothing. Mega Lan didn't seem to notice the slip.

Then again, this was the boy who needed the two-by-four. 

######

In the real world, a similar occurrence was occurring.

"Roll, what are you doing with my Hub?" growled Dex, not even realizing he was pretty much quoting his Navi. Roll rolled her eyes.

"He's not _yours,_ Dex," she growled. Apparently, the two mirrors had decided to mirror the dialogue.

Dex ignored the author and leered at Hub. "You look nice today, Hub…even nicer than usual."

Hub sweatdropped. "Uh, thanks, Dex…"

Dex grinned. "Did you hear about Miss Mari and Masa? She finally told him she didn't want to date him!"

"Really? I thought that'd never happen!"

"Neither did Masa." Dex giggled. Yes, giggled. "He's still moping about it."

"How could you find that amusing? Poor Masa needs someone to support him!" snapped Roll.

Dex stuck his tongue out. "Masa shouldn't have _bothered_ in the first place! He knew he was _outta his league!_"

"He had a better chance than Higsby! Higsby got turned down too, didn't he?"

"Yeah, well, maybe if he had—"

A prickly feeling ran down Hub's spine. Something inside told him that the two weren't _actually_ arguing about Masa and Higsby, but about something—no, some_one—_rather…different.

######

"Then Man Guts used the Guts Hammer and wiped the second Navi out!" chirped Man Guts happily. Describing his previous four Netbattles blow by blow seemed the most interesting topic of the day. He didn't even notice Mega Lan's brown eyes had glazed over from boredom, and Mayl was nearly asleep. "And after that—"

Mayl decided it was time for action. She had tried waiting for Mega Lan to figure out if he loved her or not, and it hadn't worked. Therefore…

"Um, Mega Lan, can I talk to you for a moment? _Privately_?"

Man Guts looked annoyed, and Mega Lan looked startled.

"Mega Lan doesn't need to talk to _Mayl_," Man Guts began, leering at the blue Navi again and moving forward. "Mega Lan is—"

"Um, okay, Mayl," said Mega Lan, slipping from Man Gut's potential embrace. "Can you stay here a moment, Man Guts?"

Man Guts, apparently too thick to realize what this meant, smiled winsomely.

"Sure, Mega Lan."

Then he glared at Mayl. "Don't you touch my Mega Lan," he growled. Apparently he wasn't as thick as he let on.

Mayl grinned and nodded. "Of _course_ not, Man Guts. Why would I do that?"

Before the gorilla could respond, she latched herself to Mega Lan's arm and walked off with him.

######

"Um…"

Hub really couldn't think of anything to say. Roll and Dex were arguing quite spiritedly about who was better—Higsby or Masa. Neither of them would notice if he just slipped away…but that would be rude.

Besides, he knew what they were _really_ arguing about—who should date _him_. He just…knew it, the same way he knew he didn't like curry bananas.

Then again, who liked curry bananas?

What the hell _are_ curry bananas anyway?

######

"So what's up, Mayl?" asked Mega Lan as she led him outside the parlor. "Why did you—"

"Mega Lan, do you like me?" she asked, blushing a pink to rival her magenta hair.

"Of course I like you, Mayl! You're—"

"I mean, do you _like_ like me."

"…_Like_ like like you?"

"Yeah."

"…wait, I'm confused."

######

After staring at the two arguing preteens a bit more, Hub decided on a course of action. Apparently it was to be one or the other. Considering one of them weighed at least a hundred pounds more than Hub, and if they ever—

Hub blushed and stopped thinking down that path. Eleven-year-olds did not think about such things…

…at least not in wholesome, dub-related fanfics.

_Wait, what was that last sentence? _

Hub ignored the author and went back to the situation on hand. From his point of view he had two choices: Dex or Roll.

Well then.

That narrowed it down.

"Hey, Roll? Can I … ask you something?"

######

"Do. You. Love. Me?" asked Mayl, her face as red as Elmo's now,_ sans_ fuzz. Mega Lan started blushing too.

"Do I…um…" Mega Lan floundered for words. He had no idea what he was supposed to say when asked this. If he said yes, he would be out of character, and if he said no, he'd be stuck with Man Guts on his back—eeew!

Even Two-by-Four didn't have to think about the sexual innuendo on _that_ one.

He sweatdropped massively and hoped no one but the readers heard that last thought.

"Umm…I've…never thought about it, Mayl…"

Mayl watched the shocked Navi and started to grow irritated. Now that she had opened her big mouth she needed to do something else. He didn't notice hints and he freaked when asked directly—

Mayl felt the OOC Spirit possess her and smiled.

She then grabbed Mega Lan and gave him the kiss of his life.

_…………………… _

_……………………_

_………she's………kissing……me…_

_……………………_

_maybe__ there's something for this kissing business…………_

######

"What is it, Hub?" asked Roll hopefully. Hub looked at her and began to blush. Already he was having second doubts—maybe he shouldn't do this, he wasn't even sure if he really liked Roll this way—

Then again, she _was_ pretty darn cute. And nice—and it would keep Dex from…uh…yeah. Um.

Hub cleared his throat.

"I wanted to know—if…um…woulyougouwime?"

Roll didn't bother to actually translate the mumbled words, unlike Cho Chang. She simply grinned and hugged Hub hard.

Apparently she was more demure than her Navi.

######

Dex and Man Guts looked at each other.

"Did he—"

"Did she—"

The two looked at each other.

"_SHOOT!" _they yelled at the same time. Masa walked in and sat down at the counter.

"Foiled again," he mumbled to himself.

#######

_Wheeee! Wasn't that fun, kiddies? If you just wanna skip this and review right now, go right ahead. Otherwise, there's a couple of stories that don't need to be told but will anyway._

_First, curry bananas—that's a thing __Buru__ invented. Well, not just __Buru__—also … oh, god, I don't remember. Anyway, it's a WPP thing, so…yeah. They're (we're?) weird in there. _

_Second, the idea of a Hub-obsessed Dex and Mega Lan-obsessed Man Guts came during my one-time stay at __Saturday__School__, which was…interesting. After it occurred to me to do it I just started cracking up in the middle of 'class.' So there's me sitting in my chair trying to not laugh like a hyena at the thought of Dex wanting to…um…yeah._

_Unfortunately, the classroom had to be completely silent—so when I started trying to hold my laughter in, EVERYONE heard me. _

_Yeah. I got quite a few stares for that one._

_Last story and the one I wanted to tell before I got sidetracked—Mr. Powers is weird. End of story. He assigned this idiotic 'poem' assignment (I do NOT call what we read and wrote poetry…more like 'crap that occasionally sounds good.') Anyway, I wrote the stupid thing (which was so stupid I'm not even gonna let y'all read it) and gave it to Mr. Powers to read. Then he says the quote above. This was a month ago. I'm still trying to figure out what the hell he meant._

_Actually, he doesn't know either—I asked him during class last week. I think he drank too much Coca Cola that day. The man LIVES off the stuff. _

_Anyhoo…depending if Mr. Powers says something really stupid again, there might be a sequel. (Oh, joy.) _

_Wait…he DID mention something about his wife, some muggers, and his wife's shotgun…hmmm…_

_REVIEW! OR I'LL SIC **THE WEASEL** ON YOU!!!! And since that creepy puppet can get even Alex to shut up out of fear, know that IT IS EVIL AND WILL HAUNT YOUR NIGHTMARES IF YOU DON'T REVIEW!! **PH34R THE WEASEL!! **_


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